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I have attended a couple of these events before. Never as a
speaker though. I usually sit where you’re sitting, amongst friends, happily
sipping and nibbling and just absorbing the many wonderful words. The takeaway I
seem to get from every LYC is that this event is about women helping one
another. In fact, it was at Launch Your Creativity two years ago that I met
Jacqueline de Montravel, the editor of Romantic Homes. We established an
instant connection and I continue to work with her and admire her very much. Tea
and talk are very nice, but the ability to make a connection is what makes this
gathering truly special. It creates opportunities for us to help each other
out.
In fact, the topic for my speech, New Hat, New World, came
about with the help of the other women up here, Sharon in particular. Had they
not suggested it, I probably would still be thinking of a topic. I wish
sometimes that they had helped me write this speech too. We met up a few months
ago at Lidy’s house and I wore a new hat I had purchased. I am not someone who
wears hats all the time, so buying a felt black, rhinestone brimmed hat was a
big statement for me to make. And the ladies took notice. I revealed that I had
purchased the hat on one of many mini shopping sprees that I had indulged in to
celebrate landing a new job.
But to me that purchase represents so much more than a new
job. I would argue that the world we live in requires us all trying on new
hats. Think of all the hats we have to wear daily: woman, wife, mother,
daughter, employee, freelancer, friend, sister, client, mentor, etc. I am
constantly looking for better ways to juggle being an editor at a printmagazine about nails, a writer/editor for an online magazine geared towardyoung professional women, a columnist for a print magazine about décor, a
freelancer, and a writer for my blog and my own pieces. It can be exhausting,
but it is also fulfilling. I like keeping busy. And sometimes the toughest work
you can do is finding a better job for yourself.
I started out five years ago at Stampington & Company as an assistant editor. That
particular publisher produced craft magazines for the consumer market. I learned
early on at my job that publishing was a good fit, but crafting was not. When I
began an extensive search in the job market two years ago, I learned some
startling truths. Chief among them was that magazines were changing. Many were
folding or not being released in print anymore. And very few are made in South
Orange County, where I live. I didn’t know how bad I really wanted another job
until I found myself being OK with the fact that I might have to start over in
a new industry, new type of media, with a new title, and new location. Once I
was OK with all of this, the right job found me.
I am still an editor and I still work for a magazine, but
this time it is on the business side in addition to the consumer. It requires a
lot more social media usage, publishing online, and comes with an hour and a
half commute. But I am still OK with these things, because I know that no one
will ever get what they want out of this life by never trying anything new.
Sometimes your work has to function as your dressing room
mirror. You have to be willing to look yourself up and down and see if it
accurately reflects you and your style. You have to ask if this is how you want
to present yourself to the world. The troubling thing is, women are sometimes
so bent on judging others or picking themselves apart that they lose sight of
what they want, how to get there, and who they really are. But once you take others out of the equation,
it all becomes so simple to focus on what really matters to you. Not everyone
will be able to pull off the same style of hat. But that’s OK, because personal
style is not about looking exactly like someone else, it’s about embracing who
you are through what you put on. No, your significant other won’t always like
or get everything you are wearing. My boyfriend always tells me he thinks I
look best in baseball caps. I would not be caught dead in a baseball cap,
especially if I am not at a baseball game. But you cannot dress to appease
other people, and likewise, you cannot live your life or do your work to
appease others as well. One of my favorite style icons, Carrie Bradshaw, wore a
peculiar hat in one episode of Sex and the City. While she didn’t look bad, it
was something I know I would never chance. In the episode, her boyfriend Jack
Berger, points out her hat and picks on her for wearing it when they get in a
fight. But in true Carrie fashion, she takes off the hat and yells back at him
“It’s fabulous, you’re just saying that to hurt my feelings!” We all need to
have the confidence to stand up for what is right, and what we believe looks
right. We all deserve to look and feel fabulous every day, no matter what hat
we may be wearing at the time.
When I quit my job at Stampington, it was not entirely easy
to do. I had gotten to know so many wonderful artists and understand the
passion behind their work. I felt possessive over the two magazines I had run
from the get go: Jewelry Affaire and apronology. To this day, I don’t look at
them in the bookstore, because it is too painful. I could have stayed where I
was and looked at jewelry and attended more art retreats and driven only 10 minutes
to work. I could have stayed where things were comfortable and familiar. But I
had long outgrown those things that once looked good on me. I knew I needed to
change things up.
I learned that we need to invest in the things that we know
will work for us. For many of you here that might be this very event, another
workshop, a class at a local school, or a new suit. These investments require sharp
doses of honesty. Sometimes we can con ourselves to buy into what’s not right
for us. How many times have you tried something on or eyed something in a case
and thought “Well, if I ever go to a ball, that would be the thing I would need…”
But more often than not that occasion never comes. We have to be realistic with
our needs. You have to keep trying things on until you get the look you want. I
applied for so many jobs, some editorial, some not. I would get so discouraged
because the jobs I really wanted were in New York or Los Angeles and they never
seemed to call me back or send me an e-mail. All the connections I made never
seemed to come up with any positions for me to fill. But I never stopped trying
things on. I kept looking. I kept convincing myself that I could fit in a
marketing department, at a bridal blog, and eventually I really did feel that a
nail magazine was a good fit for me. And now I am breaking myself in.
My job goes hand in hand with making decisions. An editor
cannot be indecisive. They have to know when to cut, when to pull, when to add,
when to get a new idea etc. While oftentimes we look fine just the way we are,
sometimes it is best to step back and ask “what if I added that hat?” or “What
if I piled on the jewelry?” Asking these questions can transform your
appearance from just fine into memorable moments. When it comes to being professional
and balancing the many hats we wear, we need to not be afraid to edit
ourselves. Sometimes this means saying no to a particular job, declining an
invitation, or losing some sleep. These are some of the sacrifices I have to
make in order to achieve the life I have envisioned for myself.
One of my
favorite TV shows is the Rachel Zoe Project. I love Rachel Zoe, not because she
is a good dresser who is not afraid to wear a huge hat, but because she is a
business woman extraordinaire. She styles celebrities for the red carpet, photo
shoots at huge magazines, and recently became a fashion designer as well as a
mother. Every week we watch as she works long hours, makes tough decisions, and
squeezes in time for her family. She talks a lot about the “Everything Woman,”
a woman who has it all and works hard for it. Rachel never admits that she is
that woman, but when I hear her use the term “taking my styling hat off and
putting my designer hat on,” I know that she too struggles with having multiple
jobs, working constantly, and striving to be her best self. Despite having many
assistants, a nanny, and a makeup artist, even the most famous of women can
have to wear many hats. And they do so because they care about their work. They
care about their legacy. They have a vision that drives them. And while some
argue that women can never have it all, I argue that we each have the potential
to have it all – or at the very least make it look like we do. We can all make
the choice to look our best in order to feel and do our best. I wake up for
work at 4:30 every morning, in hope of leaving my house at 5:45 and be at work
by 7. While this never feels good, it is necessary for making sure that I look
as I would expect an editor at a major magazine to look. I never know who will
be coming by our offices, what business lunches or beauty brands will call. So
while I might not have a full night’s rest, I need to look like I did, because
how you look can affect your business. I sometimes fall into the trap of
thinking that editors and writers live cozy lifestyles because they are behind
the scenes. They are always a byline to their readers or one monthly picture on
a masthead. But as I said earlier, real business is about making connections,
and putting your best face forward.
I read an article in the New York Times recently about
Margaret Thatcher, titled “For Margaret Thatcher, Wardrobe Was Armor.” It
eulogized the Iron Lady through her choice in clothing. And while she was
perceived as tough due to her policies and leadership, she didn’t wear spikes
or leather or pantsuits. The article describes her as wearing long skirts,
timeless pearls, furs, and even bows. The piece argues that in the '80s male
dominated world of political power, her clothes sent out a message about who she
was. She is quoted as saying, “Please don’t use the word ‘tough.’ People might
get the impression that I don’t care. And I do care. Very deeply.” We should
always look like we care. The picture that accompanied the article on Baroness
Thatcher shows her wearing a big blue hat, and she is tipping it slightly,
smiling. We are blessed to have the ability to wear and choose between so many
hats. We are lucky to live in a society where our heads needn’t be constantly
covered. We live in a world where women can be made of iron yet wear bows, run
countries, fashion empires, or magazines, and write and speak the truth about
how tough it is to do all these things successfully. But as long as we have the
support from one another and the ability to connect, new worlds are possible.
