A Long Time Coming

This is the post that has been percolating in my head for a while. It all comes down to this:

Four and a half years ago, I was unsure of the course my life had taken. I was working in education and ready to pursue my master's/teaching credential in the fall. Before beginning though, I looked for other work, as I could not shake the uncertainty I was feeling about my career path. I always wanted to write and I wasn't sure if teaching others how to write was the best course of action. I interviewed with Jenny Doh and ended up accepting a position as Assistant Editor at Stampington & Company. When I interviewed, I had a good feeling about the job because Jenny and I just hit it off. When I accepted formally, I remember crying with happiness. I felt like I was moving in the right direction and promptly withdrew from the teaching program.

Months later I moved to Orange County and started my life over. I didn't know anyone when I moved out here. I didn't know where anything was, not even the nearest Starbucks. I remember spending my lunch breaks at my desk because I didn't know where to go and had no one to eat lunch with. But the longer I stayed at work, the more people I met. Eventually I made some of the best friends I have ever had by meeting them at the office. I reinvented myself in a way, and I am so glad I did. I can't picture my life without having lived in Laguna and meeting the people I have met and come to love as my second family. Even as I am writing this, there is still confetti at my desk from my 25th birthday, when my friends decorated my office with pink streamers.

As an editor I have learned to seek out the best and chisel away until the strongest points are left standing. Whether whittling down a wardrobe or writing a sentence, it is the duty of an editor to make sure only the best is being presented. I like to think that in my four years at Stampington I did nothing short of putting my best work and shoed feet forward. No matter what.

I have met so many strong women in this industry who have inspired me to persevere. So that even when I felt like kicking my shoes off and relaxing, I kept moving forward. I want to name them all, but there are too many. If you look through my blog archives, you will undoubtedly know who I am talking about. To the many great women who lent me a shoulder, an ear, an apron, a kind word, I wouldn't have been able to keep going had it not been for you. To those wonderful women who gifted me with art, know that it filled my office and kept me happy while I typed articles about artwear, or maybe even posts on this blog.

The decision to quit my job came at the right time. For years I have yearned to do what many of the women I read about in our magazines do, and quit my day job and follow the dream of pursuing my art. While I am not able to quit to write full-time just yet, I will be taking a nice break from work to write a while, to reflect, to think, to just be. These last few days have felt like a marathon. I am so tired, so drained. I remember explaining to Jenny once, that I am a runner. I love running. I love pushing myself to the near impossible, to only discover there are no limits. I feel like I have been running for a long time, and at long last will be able to catch my breath.

My next adventure will be an entirely different one. I am so excited to do something I never would have imagined doing previously. That is what my whole life has been about these past 28 years, doing the unthinkable; surprising myself; starting over. I no longer am afraid to start over. I welcome change with fresh eyes. I want to use my talents to build another magazine from the ground up, hopefully, and make great contributions to another community, to meet more people who will inspire my life's journey, and maybe even new, close friends. I am sorry to tell you that I am not a crafter. I have always felt slightly guilty of this, as I have worked in the crafting industry. I don't craft anything short of writing and outfits and I feel it best to move on to an industry that is a bit more up my alley. But I am a doer. I have never been one to just say something. I do it. Actions speak louder than the best writing. I like to imagine that my writing and actions deliver upon the promises I make and the most genuine of intent. As I start my new job at Nails Magazine, I am unsure of how much blogging there will be for me in the future. A new job is a big step, and I look forward to giving it my all, which will require hard work and focus. A lot of the future seems unclear right now as I have a few things to figure out. But I am ready. I love that my life has not yet nor has ever been, so planned out.

I leave behind two magazines I founded, apronology and Jewelry Affaire. These are especially hard to leave behind, as I lost sleep, argued, and stayed late to make sure these books become everything I knew they could be. I feel like I am abandoning two very important chapters of my life. The love people have for the apron is unlike any other I have experienced, and I am so grateful to have been clued in to that warmth. The jewelry community has always welcomed me with open arms, and I consider so many of these visionaries my friends. Altered Couture has been nothing but a labor of love for me, as I sought to reinvent and push the bindings of its pages, to make it a must-read and relevant to the fashion and DIY industry. Haute Handbags and Somerset Home were both tasks that I took over from my friend Amanda, and have always tried to show them the same love, care and grace she showed other people. I hope that I have left an artful legacy. I did my best, and I feel that these chapters have been written and are at long last, done. They have ended on what I felt were good notes, capturing the visions I have had of them for years in the making.

The most important lesson of all in doing good work and doing a good job is kindness. It is the single most essential, most unifying ingredient. Treat all others with kindness; respect their work and their feelings; be honest. I have tried to stand my ground while achieving only the best. If I have done so, then I have done so by hopefully remaining kind towards others. I look forward to taking this and the many lessons learned with me to my new place of work. The people there have already shown me a great deal of generosity and it makes me all the more willing and happy to move on.

And here's the thing with moving on: change is inevitable. It is life. This life is short, unpredictable, and forever evolving. Sometimes we feel change does not treat us justly, but when we roll with it and are not afraid to start over, we build new muscle. When we are determined to be strong, no amount of change will ever permanently disable you. Then there are those changes that we are ready for, they are expected, they are even welcome. And with them there is a sigh of relief and lots of hope. My friend Virginia gave me this picture years ago that says, "The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are." I have had this hanging in my office for over 2 years, and every time I looked at it, I was reminded that I knew I had somewhere else to go.

I have produced 41 issues for Stampington & Company. The magazine industry, while changing as we speak, has been a great fit for me. There were days where I sat at my desk and wondered what would have happened had I taught high school English, but it has been a privilege to sit at my computer and write words for others to read. I will continue my work with Romantic Homes magazine  and Made Woman Magazine. You can find me there, and hopefully here, along with some other upcoming projects (fingers crossed), and now at Nails Magazine. If you found this blog because of my work at Stampington, I thank you for reading. I thank you for deciding to come here and read words typed out over coffee from an office in Laguna Hills, surrounded by amazing handmade art, written by a girl who used to want to be a teacher, but took a chance on becoming a real writer.

Onward & Upward,

B

The Many Faces of Rhinestone

I just bought this super cool statement necklace from Nordstrom and I have been living in it. I love the orange, pink and yellow neon coloring. I also love the different shaped jewels. It reminds me of a Dannijo or a Tom Binns piece. Except, this necklace was much more affordable at just $24. But of course, my favorite thing about this necklace is the possibilities it holds. It is perfect for layering. While it is already a layered look, I love wearing lots and lots on top of lots of jewelry. Especially when my outfit consists of a simple T-shirt. So on Friday I did just that and stacked my vintage rhinestone necklace on top of my pink neon H&M piece on top of my Nordstrom find. I love how expensive and unique this look is. Some other variations on my necklace layering are above: hot pink H&M plus mint necklace from Forever 21; hot pink H&M with vintage necklace.

Needless to say, colored rhinestones are in. It's a trend I love. But if you're like me and will always love the classic clear look of a good rhinestone, layering is the way to go. And if you want to create your own color scheme for this trend, it is super easy. Simply pick up a cheapie rhinestone necklace and use Sharpies, nail polish, or spray paint to create your own color effects as in the DIYs above from State of Unique and Bonnin Designs. And again, if clear stones are more your thing, try layering classic strands on top of each other like Maegan did (this tutorial is also featured in the premier issue of Jewelry Affaire). 

Happy Jewelry Wearing!

The Perks of Meeting Chbosky

Eleven years ago seems like a lifetime ago. I was a sophomore in high school and my favorite subject was English. My favorite English teacher recommended we read this book called "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by a man named Stephen Chbosky.I read it so fast and I loved the book so much. I remember reading a few pages over and over again because they made so much sense and seemed to describe exactly what I had felt.The book was about being a teenager and not ever feeling quite like anyone would understand you; that fear of perhaps never really fitting in that is so common among so many. 

Thinking about this book makes me think of where I was 11 years ago and how truly awkward and painful it all was. I had the worst boyfriend. He was never nice to me. And in the novel when Chbosky writes "we accept the love we think we deserve" it makes me sick to think that I put myself in such a place. I didn't really have a sense of style. I tried to be so many things: a little punk, a little classy, a little surfer/skater, but really I didn't have the money to dress in any of the ways I wanted. In all honesty, it was my English classes that made high school better for me. It was there that I got to read great books, write a lot, found teachers who understood me, and it was the classes in which I was most respected by my peers. It was the one place throughout high school where I felt I fit in; I felt safe.

Books began saving my life at a young age. I always knew I wanted to be a writer, but I had never met a professional one until Ms. Siegel (our English teacher) invited Mr. Chbosky to come to speak to us. To this day, I cannot believe he not only accepted the invitation, but when he came to the library to talk to all of us, he was so pleasant and kind. I remember him answering lots of questions from us. I must have raised my hand at least five times. When I took my copy of his book up to be signed, I told him I wanted to be a real writer.

The next day my English teacher pulled me aside and gave me a copy of "The Sun Also Rises" by Ernest Hemingway. She explained that Mr. Chbosky had purchased the book for me and left something special inside. Along with this beautiful note was his email address. That moment is still one of the best in my life.

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

I emailed Mr. Chbosky a few weeks later and really poured my heart out to him. And to my even greater surprise, he answered me back. I looked through my old emails today, and sadly, was unable to find the correspondence or his email address. I remember telling him I felt like "the world had turned and left me."

Someone asked him 11 years ago about making the book into a movie. The occasion of this post is that Mr. Chbosky has written and directed the film adaptation and it's in theaters now. I cannot wait to see it, but I am thinking I may need to re-read the book first.

And re-reading "Perks" kind of scares me. It has been so long since I revisited this time in my life, those teenage years with all that raw pain. I misplaced all that hurt and anger and hope. And I wonder if I re-read this book, if it will cause me to see things differently, which I don't want. I always want to remember the freshness of that first time when words hit you and you know the world has in fact not left you, but rather its given you someone else who understands. I am not sure how many times in the past 11 years I have felt infinite or heard "Landslide" play. I am embarrassed to admit just how many bad boyfriends I have had and how few books I have had published. I wonder sometimes if I have let Mr. Chbosky or maybe even my 16-year old self down. I'm not sure if I'm the writer who I thought I would be. I would never have guessed that I'd be where I am now, editing magazines and not writing books to be placed on shelves.

Mr. Chbosky, if you happen to read this, please know that you changed my life that day. You've given me the greatest charge one writer can give to another: to find their voice and to share it. I've been trying to do that here and in some of the publications I've worked on. I have read "The Sun Also Rises" three times and I can still quote my favorite passage from it. I still have only read "Perks" once but I will never ever forget what it means to feel infinite. You and my Ms. Siegel have made all the difference in my life. And I shudder to think what would have happened had you not gone to speak to a group of kids that one day so many years ago. One of my favorite college professors told me that "Writing saves lives, not bodies." Thank you for saving me, so long ago. I hope in the years to come I make you proud. I hope I too can save a life.

I used to want to be a high school English teacher so I could help kids. That was my plan; and then I would write in the summers. It's funny the paths life leads us down. It feels so strange to remember all those places, feelings, and things that now seem so foreign. And while I forget so much, the words always remain. I have since devoted my life to words, and I hope to keep doing so until my last breath. I have figured out not only my style, but perhaps dwelt too much on it. I have grown to learn much from the pain and hardships of my youth; to channel them into good writing and into being kind to others; encouraging people every chance I get. I don't read as much as I used to, but I am able to get a few pages in daily. I am finally at peace with so much I was uneasy with 11 years ago. Most importantly, I have accepted the love I know I deserve; and that acceptance has set me free. But I'm not sure I have read a book since Mr. Chbosky's that stings with such truth. And I'm not sure if I've written anything in the same manner, or if I ever will. But the perks of revisiting this point in time is that it fills me with that sense of hope that is so alive when you are 16 and the world and your whole life are ahead of you. While I'm not sure if the movie will be able to measure up to the book, I am so pleased to see that question from 11 years ago being answered and to see a new age of kids read this story. Thank you Mr. Chbosky for reminding me what it feels like to let go, to be hopeful, to remember the great words I have read and all the dreams I have dreamt.I am infinitely grateful.  

Fashion Sense (of Humor)

What I wear to work ... I wish

I have a drinking problem

Who cares if the food is good?

Traveling lightly

What a girl has to do to check her lipstick

The diet starts tomorrow

House arrest isn't so bad ...

Gardening garb

Hoop la

I've got nothing to wear

Dorothy goes vamp

I need the life that goes with this sweater

What I wear to the market

My favorite thing about Pinterest is the fashion feed. Sure, a good looking dessert is always nice to stare at, but there is no motivation like looking at beautiful clothes, shoes and jewelry. I love the over-dramatized shots and started noticing that some of them have really funny captions. I'm in a lighthearted mood, so I thought I'd share a few with you. I think I will start being more witty with my pinning.

Enjoy : )