The Things We Want

Things I wanted recently that I bought: Champagne sweatshirt from Blonde Design, Vera Wang White booties (purchased from a wedding site, even though I'm not a bride), and a Stace Face mug from Starbucks (the mug is an ode to Stacey Bendet, one of my favorite designers).  

When it comes to shoes and things I have a tendency to get what I want, and it's not always because I work hard for them. Sometimes I get gifts (or gift cards, thanks to Christmas), or sometimes I just wait it out for the ideal sale. Sometimes I even (gulp) charge these items to my credit card. There's nothing quite so motivating as getting what you want, especially when you don't have to wait to get it. I found all of these items via Instagram, and purchased them almost as soon as I was done hitting the "like" button.

It wasn't until today, when people at my work were asked to give feedback on the type of work environment that we want that I got to thinking about wants and needs on a deeper level. Sure, I have a long wishlist of components that would make up the perfect place to work, but I know now that there is no "perfect" place to work. Every job has its perks and occasional drawbacks. I read my email  back to myself and began making corrections; there wasn't a point in presenting upper management with a shopping list peppered with my point of view. Instead, I started off by thanking them for being interested in my feedback to begin with. After all, they didn't have to ask. I then acknowledged their goals so they knew I had heard them out and didn't just read the part that said "Please send your feedback." I offered up my concessions, then offered a few small details about what works for me. The result wasn't a ransom letter (these people after all supply me with the funds to buy my shoes) but a professionally articulated statement of what I thought I would need to be that much more successful at my job.

This exercise reminded me that some things are worth the wait, or worth working for. Take this blog for instance. I almost didn't type this post, because I wanted to go to sleep and call it a night. But it hit me that I wanted to write. Sometimes getting what you want requires pain and perseverance, and knowing this, I have been trying to avoid the uncomfortableness of it all. I had forgotten how good it feels to publish a post; to talk freely with my boss; to save up for something I really wanted. 

If you focus on delaying gratification just a bit, you might actually end up with the thing you never even knew you wanted. Case in point, this cool blue Nubar nail polish, gifted to me by a sweet friend at the company. I have wanted so badly to find my footing in the nail industry over the last two years. I have worked tirelessly because I wanted to learn; to prove that I belonged. At a certain point I forgot about wanting that so badly and just started being myself and doing my best. The result is a pretty great work relationship and cool moments like seeing my name on a polish bottle, something I never would have dreamed of wanting previously. 

I caught myself thinking I would have to go out and buy some new clothes for a tradeshow this weekend, but I stopped and realized how ridiculous that is. The fact of the matter is, I don't need anything new. I have plenty. It's time to stop wanting and start appreciating. I'm so glad I stayed up to write this post. 

Made of Honor

My sister got married two weeks ago. Since her engagement in October, everything happened so fast. 

One of the memories that always sticks out from our childhood is one Halloween when my sister was a bride. She was probably 8 years old or younger. I am surprised my parents allowed that for her costume, but they allowed me to dress up as rigor mortis that year so ...

I remember her being a bride so clearly when she was a kid and it was just make believe. Then I blinked and everything was real. Being my sister's maid of honor was the most honorable thing  have ever done. I will probably never lead troops into battle or save continents with some grand discovery, but at least I can say there was a time and place where I did my duty and did it well, and someone else's life was richer for it, even if it went by very quickly. I struggled with my Maid of Honor speech, but one night my sister sent me a quote from ee cummings, and the rest just came naturally. Below is my speech. Thank you, Katie, for choosing me and for being a wonderful muse.

"My wise sister shared a quote with me from one of my favorite poets that I had never heard before: 

'To be nobody but yourself in a world that doing its best to make you everybody else is to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.'

Katie, I can't tell you how proud I am of you for being yourself, for fighting this longstanding battle with the world and in so doing have won the hearts of your friends and family, and the love of a good man.

You might not realize it, but you have actually given me the best advice throughout the years. I have learned from you what it means to really be somebody and that love is always worth fighting for. I urge you and David to continue to be yourselves, despite this battlefield called life; that you become better versions of the person you fell in love with. Sometimes it may feel like it is only you fighting against the world, but remember that the two of you are in this together. And I truly believe that together, you can take anything on."

Cheers!

Lucky

I remember when I was in my second year of French in high school and we were practicing our vocabulary and conjugation. My teacher would ask us a question in French and then we would have to answer in French in front of the whole class. I remember getting asked "Are you lucky?" and he neatly prefaced the question with "All things considered." I remember answering that I was.

But as someone who doesn't believe in luck, I don't think I can say that I see myself as a "happy-go-lucky" kind of person. I might be more the type who "presses my luck" maybe, but lucky, no. I'm blessed to have a job, a family, a place to live, a laptop to write these posts on. I'm blessed that a few people even still take the time to read this blog.

I was just in a minor car accident this morning. And sure enough, one of the other drivers said we are "lucky" to all be OK. Of course I am happy no one is injured. But I don't feel lucky at all about it. My stomach is completely turned, my left foot feels like it is asleep, and I spilled coffee all over the interior of my boyfriend's car (he says I was lucky I wasn't driving my car). As someone who has been in a good amount of accidents, I don't feel lucky. I commute every day and of course on the one weekend I am out driving to Los Angeles, I get in an accident. I had considered not going to L.A. and doing all my errands instead, but of course I convinced myself I had to go. If I had just run my errands I would have a clean house, a clean to-do list, calories would be burned off, and I wouldn't be sitting here questioning my luck. In fact, I would probably feel pretty darn lucky to have had the time to get everything finally done.

But I should know better than to believe this Sliding Doors version of events. I mean, who is really able to get everything done? When you work full-time and try to balance it with the rest of your life, you seldom feel so lucky to successfully say you have accomplished everything you set out to do. And that's what gets me down sometimes. I hold myself to the standards I set which includes a long list of goals (running a half-marathon, losing 15 pounds, paying off credit card debt, writing a novel, contributing to other publications, etc.). When I look at what I have done and compare it to where I want to be, I don't feel like I am doing enough (there isn't enough time to train, I need the money for my sister's wedding, I am too tired to stay up and write, I don't know how to contribute, etc.) It's in these rare, bleak moments that I feel like the most unlucky girl in the world. Yes, I know it all sounds so silly and melodramatic. I even know it is not all true. Sometimes the person who might seem the luckiest can possibly never even feel that way about themselves. 

So this is how I choose to look at things: God in all his mercy and knowledge has spared me from being injured, he has provided me with an income, the body I have, the people I love. Sometimes we aren't going to see His ways and methods as preferable or easy or fun, but there is a reason behind it all. When we find this reason agreeable or His methods easy and fun we call it "lucky." But we don't want to talk about the other side of the coin. I could sit here and blog about shoes for every post, and I could probably do it well, but that's not what life is all about. Sometimes you have to indulge in the darker moments to really learn, to truthfully answer that when all things are in fact considered, you come out blessed; or better yet, you come out being yourself. 

Right now I am the writer who missed a writing retreat because of a car accident. I had with me a bag of nail polish to gift my writing friends and now someone else will be lucky enough to get it. This week I got a lotto ticket for St. Patrick's Day, but I didn't win any money. I had my first fortune cookie ever, and the fortune was kind of lame, or so I thought. I am blessed to have the money to indulge in Starbucks a couple of times a week and to buy my makeup from Nordstrom. I didn't go out Monday to drink green beer, but I was able to stay in Saturday morning to write this blog post. Since writing was on my to do list anyway, I can say I did get something done, which might be the silver lining/pot of gold under the rainbow. 

Birthday Eve

Sometimes I wish I didn't like my birthday so much. It seems selfish and maybe even immature to wait all year for a day (just one) that is truly all about you. While some people as they get older like to forget about their special day, I really do count down the days until mine. It's a day where I don't worry, don't think about the things that are stressing me out, forget about the future, the past, and actually live in the moment. I love hearing from all of my family and friends too; it's a day full of love.

Sometimes I also wish that my birthday were in a different part of the year. Being born in December is tough because all the focus is on Christmas and money and time are tight. But as I reflected today, I find myself pretty content with the timing of my arrival; it really is the happiest time of year for me. I get to share my birthday month with many others in my family and my closest friends. 

In 29 years of living I have learned that while shoes are nice and cupcakes make a good dinner (sometimes), the sparkle in life comes from those closest to you. For my birthday I was happy to spend time with my family (who got me an Audrey book, a handmade necklace, and delicious cake among other things), my boyfriend (who got me a new iPhone) ... and to blog. I actually really wanted to do some writing just for me, in this space that I don't get to go to so often anymore, to reflect and create. My career has revolved so much around art and expression and 364 days of the year I can get pretty jealous of people who get to make their own art full-time. But I had an epiphany recently: I have been creating my art. I have this blog that I have been writing on for almost five years now, amazing and creative freelance opportunities, and jobs where I have learned so much. When a family member asked me at Thanksgiving what I like to do when not working, I almost didn't know what to say. That's because my current job doesn't really feel like work a lot. I get to blog every day and help nail artists tell their stories. I contribute to an industry that infuses beauty. I am so thankful to my family, friends, and coworkers who celebrate my passion for writing and publishing. Every time I publish a new piece I feel like it's my birthday all over again, and then it's right back to working on the next thing, and so the countdown begins again. Minutes, days, and years fly by in this line of work, because we are living so far ahead in the future when it comes to print magazines. So even though it is March in my head, it is definitely December when I look around outside. And for one day, just 24 hours, it is December 4th. 

When I was younger I wanted the 24 hours in this particular day to last forever. Even now, I try to stretch it sometimes by staying up until midnight and staying out late. It's taken 29 years, but I know now that this day is just as long as all the rest, and that's really not very long at all. Nothing lasts forever; time never flows the way you wish it. But there are some moments, some days, some years that you can hold onto extra tightly, that you can truly savor so that they tide you over. But then again, life is what happens while you're waiting for your next birthday. I don't remember all of the past December fourths, but I am determined to savor this year (the last of my 20s), and this night, and what it means to hopefully put another year of blessings and wisdom under my belt. This blog has helped me celebrate so many milestones, but I'm excited to use it as I initially intended: to celebrate good writing, and to grow with each post I create. 

Thank you to anyone who reads this, your eyes on my writing is the best gift of all. 

New Hat, New World

I was invited to give a talk at the Launch Your Creativity event in April. Unfortunately, I did not make the event, which I feel might have disappointed some of the ticket holders. I did write my speech though, and have posted it below so that if you wanted to hear me speak, this is what I would have said. Please feel free to leave me any questions in the comments section and I am happy to answer. My apologies to the wonderful Sharon for not attending. Sharon, thank you for always believing in me.

I have attended a couple of these events before. Never as a speaker though. I usually sit where you’re sitting, amongst friends, happily sipping and nibbling and just absorbing the many wonderful words. The takeaway I seem to get from every LYC is that this event is about women helping one another. In fact, it was at Launch Your Creativity two years ago that I met Jacqueline de Montravel, the editor of Romantic Homes. We established an instant connection and I continue to work with her and admire her very much. Tea and talk are very nice, but the ability to make a connection is what makes this gathering truly special. It creates opportunities for us to help each other out.

In fact, the topic for my speech, New Hat, New World, came about with the help of the other women up here, Sharon in particular. Had they not suggested it, I probably would still be thinking of a topic. I wish sometimes that they had helped me write this speech too. We met up a few months ago at Lidy’s house and I wore a new hat I had purchased. I am not someone who wears hats all the time, so buying a felt black, rhinestone brimmed hat was a big statement for me to make. And the ladies took notice. I revealed that I had purchased the hat on one of many mini shopping sprees that I had indulged in to celebrate landing a new job.

But to me that purchase represents so much more than a new job. I would argue that the world we live in requires us all trying on new hats. Think of all the hats we have to wear daily: woman, wife, mother, daughter, employee, freelancer, friend, sister, client, mentor, etc. I am constantly looking for better ways to juggle being an editor at a printmagazine about nails, a writer/editor for an online magazine geared towardyoung professional women, a columnist for a print magazine about décor, a freelancer, and a writer for my blog and my own pieces. It can be exhausting, but it is also fulfilling. I like keeping busy. And sometimes the toughest work you can do is finding a better job for yourself.

I started out five years ago at Stampington  & Company as an assistant editor. That particular publisher produced craft magazines for the consumer market. I learned early on at my job that publishing was a good fit, but crafting was not. When I began an extensive search in the job market two years ago, I learned some startling truths. Chief among them was that magazines were changing. Many were folding or not being released in print anymore. And very few are made in South Orange County, where I live. I didn’t know how bad I really wanted another job until I found myself being OK with the fact that I might have to start over in a new industry, new type of media, with a new title, and new location. Once I was OK with all of this, the right job found me.

I am still an editor and I still work for a magazine, but this time it is on the business side in addition to the consumer. It requires a lot more social media usage, publishing online, and comes with an hour and a half commute. But I am still OK with these things, because I know that no one will ever get what they want out of this life by never trying anything new.

Sometimes your work has to function as your dressing room mirror. You have to be willing to look yourself up and down and see if it accurately reflects you and your style. You have to ask if this is how you want to present yourself to the world. The troubling thing is, women are sometimes so bent on judging others or picking themselves apart that they lose sight of what they want, how to get there, and who they really are.  But once you take others out of the equation, it all becomes so simple to focus on what really matters to you. Not everyone will be able to pull off the same style of hat. But that’s OK, because personal style is not about looking exactly like someone else, it’s about embracing who you are through what you put on. No, your significant other won’t always like or get everything you are wearing. My boyfriend always tells me he thinks I look best in baseball caps. I would not be caught dead in a baseball cap, especially if I am not at a baseball game. But you cannot dress to appease other people, and likewise, you cannot live your life or do your work to appease others as well. One of my favorite style icons, Carrie Bradshaw, wore a peculiar hat in one episode of Sex and the City. While she didn’t look bad, it was something I know I would never chance. In the episode, her boyfriend Jack Berger, points out her hat and picks on her for wearing it when they get in a fight. But in true Carrie fashion, she takes off the hat and yells back at him “It’s fabulous, you’re just saying that to hurt my feelings!” We all need to have the confidence to stand up for what is right, and what we believe looks right. We all deserve to look and feel fabulous every day, no matter what hat we may be wearing at the time.

When I quit my job at Stampington, it was not entirely easy to do. I had gotten to know so many wonderful artists and understand the passion behind their work. I felt possessive over the two magazines I had run from the get go: Jewelry Affaire and apronology. To this day, I don’t look at them in the bookstore, because it is too painful. I could have stayed where I was and looked at jewelry and attended more art retreats and driven only 10 minutes to work. I could have stayed where things were comfortable and familiar. But I had long outgrown those things that once looked good on me. I knew I needed to change things up.

I learned that we need to invest in the things that we know will work for us. For many of you here that might be this very event, another workshop, a class at a local school, or a new suit. These investments require sharp doses of honesty. Sometimes we can con ourselves to buy into what’s not right for us. How many times have you tried something on or eyed something in a case and thought “Well, if I ever go to a ball, that would be the thing I would need…” But more often than not that occasion never comes. We have to be realistic with our needs. You have to keep trying things on until you get the look you want. I applied for so many jobs, some editorial, some not. I would get so discouraged because the jobs I really wanted were in New York or Los Angeles and they never seemed to call me back or send me an e-mail. All the connections I made never seemed to come up with any positions for me to fill. But I never stopped trying things on. I kept looking. I kept convincing myself that I could fit in a marketing department, at a bridal blog, and eventually I really did feel that a nail magazine was a good fit for me. And now I am breaking myself in.

My job goes hand in hand with making decisions. An editor cannot be indecisive. They have to know when to cut, when to pull, when to add, when to get a new idea etc. While oftentimes we look fine just the way we are, sometimes it is best to step back and ask “what if I added that hat?” or “What if I piled on the jewelry?” Asking these questions can transform your appearance from just fine into memorable moments. When it comes to being professional and balancing the many hats we wear, we need to not be afraid to edit ourselves. Sometimes this means saying no to a particular job, declining an invitation, or losing some sleep. These are some of the sacrifices I have to make in order to achieve the life I have envisioned for myself. 

One of my favorite TV shows is the Rachel Zoe Project. I love Rachel Zoe, not because she is a good dresser who is not afraid to wear a huge hat, but because she is a business woman extraordinaire. She styles celebrities for the red carpet, photo shoots at huge magazines, and recently became a fashion designer as well as a mother. Every week we watch as she works long hours, makes tough decisions, and squeezes in time for her family. She talks a lot about the “Everything Woman,” a woman who has it all and works hard for it. Rachel never admits that she is that woman, but when I hear her use the term “taking my styling hat off and putting my designer hat on,” I know that she too struggles with having multiple jobs, working constantly, and striving to be her best self. Despite having many assistants, a nanny, and a makeup artist, even the most famous of women can have to wear many hats. And they do so because they care about their work. They care about their legacy. They have a vision that drives them. And while some argue that women can never have it all, I argue that we each have the potential to have it all – or at the very least make it look like we do. We can all make the choice to look our best in order to feel and do our best. I wake up for work at 4:30 every morning, in hope of leaving my house at 5:45 and be at work by 7. While this never feels good, it is necessary for making sure that I look as I would expect an editor at a major magazine to look. I never know who will be coming by our offices, what business lunches or beauty brands will call. So while I might not have a full night’s rest, I need to look like I did, because how you look can affect your business. I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that editors and writers live cozy lifestyles because they are behind the scenes. They are always a byline to their readers or one monthly picture on a masthead. But as I said earlier, real business is about making connections, and putting your best face forward.

I read an article in the New York Times recently about Margaret Thatcher, titled “For Margaret Thatcher, Wardrobe Was Armor.” It eulogized the Iron Lady through her choice in clothing. And while she was perceived as tough due to her policies and leadership, she didn’t wear spikes or leather or pantsuits. The article describes her as wearing long skirts, timeless pearls, furs, and even bows. The piece argues that in the '80s male dominated world of political power, her clothes sent out a message about who she was. She is quoted as saying, “Please don’t use the word ‘tough.’ People might get the impression that I don’t care. And I do care. Very deeply.” We should always look like we care. The picture that accompanied the article on Baroness Thatcher shows her wearing a big blue hat, and she is tipping it slightly, smiling. We are blessed to have the ability to wear and choose between so many hats. We are lucky to live in a society where our heads needn’t be constantly covered. We live in a world where women can be made of iron yet wear bows, run countries, fashion empires, or magazines, and write and speak the truth about how tough it is to do all these things successfully. But as long as we have the support from one another and the ability to connect, new worlds are possible.